Sex Scandal, Truth and Debate...

Anyone who seeks to defend the Catholic Church about the priestly scandal is often verbally clobbered by those outside and inside the Catholic Church.  "It is indefensible" they cry. And of course I do understand, it is indefensible. But I come from a very different perspective on this. 


When I point out that this is a sexual abuse coverup in all churches, I am told that I am just making excuses for Catholics! NO! NO indeed. I do not point to the abuse in other churches to soften the Catholic Church's culpability. I am just wanting to cry out that there is a monumental problem still out there that needs to be addressed and if we confine the problem to the Catholic Church, we have abandon the majority of victims.  There are millions of children who suffer psychological problems their entire lives because of childhood sexual abuse who continue to need a voice. 


Don't let the problem be "solved" with the Catholic church reform! Please God, don't! Because that is only the tip of the iceberg.


Most of my life, as a Seventh-day Adventist, I was aware of the huge problem within Adventism of sexual abuse. It was rampant and tragic. Half of all the kids I knew had been sexually molested by a SDA parent or family member or SDA leader of some kind--a teacher, pastor or Sabbath school leader. It is actually quite well-known within Adventist circles and no one really wants to discuss it. 


While an Adventist, I tried to expose the problem. Adventist sociologists at several universities were well aware that the occurrence of incest and child sexual abuse  is far higher in the SDA church than anywhere else, but no one ever wanted to address the problem in any other way than just shaking their head in shame. 


Finally there is stirrings of this at the GC and good for them.  And I am certain the exposé of the Catholic Church sent a thunderbolt of warning to all other Christians. Get your own house clean!


We absolutely need to keep pounding on the fact that this isn't a Catholic problem, not to take up for Catholics but so that we can shine the light of truth so that other churches can start healing the victims. 


The Feb. 2004 Sexual Abuse in Social Context: Catholic Clergy and Other Professionals states the following: 

"The National Child Abuse and Neglect Data Systems was developed by the Children’s Bureau of the U.S. Department of Human Services in partnership with the States to collect annual statistics on child maltreatment from State child protective services agencies.  For the year 2001, it was found that approximately 903,000 children were victims of child maltreatment, 10 percent of whom (or 90,000) were sexually abused.  It also found that 59 percent of the perpetrators of child abuse or neglect were women and 41 percent were men."   

The studies reported the following statistics. 

Sexual Perpetrators: 

28% family friends

25% teachers molesting girls

18% male relatives: cousins, uncles outside immediate family

16% other children

15% teachers molesting boys

12% stepfathers

10% male siblings

10% biological fathers

9% mother's boyfriends

7% grandfathers and step-grandfathers

4% strangers

Sexual Abuse of Minors according to Profession

82.2% of HS gradate girls report sexual harassment by faculty, teacher or principal during their years in school.

17. 7% of HS graduate boys report sexual harassment by faculty, teacher or principal during their years in school

3-12% of psychologists have had sexual contact with patients (stats on child molestation not available.)

2-3% Protestant Clergy (Philip Jenkins, Pedophiles and Priests (New York: Oxford University Press), pp. 50 and 81.)

2% athletic coaches have a criminal record of sexual offenses in children

1-1.8 % of Catholic priests have had charges of sexual abuse made against them. Almost all those accused admit they are homosexual. And 90% of all charges are with adolescent teenager boys, not small children. 

1-2% Jewish clergy seems to be at the same rate as the Catholic priests. (Rabbi Arthur Gross Schaefer, “Rabbi Sexual Misconduct: Crying Out for a Communal Response,” www.rrc.edu/journal, November 24, 2003.) See www.theawarenesscenter.org/clergyabuse.

The problem is that when we are searching out victims of sexual abused as minors, we need to be smart. It is usually going to be a family member or friend, the next is a teacher. Only a very small fraction of abusers are clergy of any kind. Parents need to keep a careful eye on their children and for goodness sake ask them about their day. Ask them if anyone made them feel uncomfortable. Ask them if anyone touched them inappropriately. Open up that means of communication so that a child will feel comfortable telling you. It is hard for children to tell when they have been molested, they are frightened. 

This is a huge problem today. Our kids are being taken advantage of and its time that we expose the problem in all professions--teachers, counselors, clergy.... and even family and friends. This isn't a just Catholic problem.

The Joys of Humility

Little Sister Kathryn Ann told me she was praying for me, that I was filled with pride. 

That struck me deeply. She had no idea what she was talking about. My entire life had been satiated with tormenting insecurities and self-hatred. How dare she judge me? She didn’t know me. To rise to the occasion, I forgave her. After all, she was Catholic and I was Protestant and she didn’t know better. 

I had joined RCIA, the adult education classes for those inquiring about Catholicism--and I was there just to verify if what some of my Catholic friends were telling me--no more. The elderly old woman had been chosen for my sponsor and things didn’t start out well. I wasn’t especially grateful that this nun took time out of her extremely busy schedule as teacher to sit next to me in all the classes with her head bowed praying for me. I didn’t understand the point. And then to insult me? Yeah, I was so not impressed with Catholicism at that moment.

I had entered purgatory and my life would never be the same. And I am not talking about theology.

***********

What I have been learning ever since is that as weird as it may seem, as counterintuitive, pride and self-hatred are mated together. Pride and insecurities feed off each other and are always found together for pride is parasitic. 

Psychiatrists and counselors wouldn’t dare breathe the truth about the matter--if they are aware of it. Society recognizes the self-esteem catastrophe within our youth and have ingrained in all the teachers' training courses how to build children’s self-confidence. When, in the end, it is impossible to teach people to love themselves. They cannot do it.

As Christians, our response is that we can learn to love ourselves when we experience and know how much Christ loves us. But often, those words don’t plunge deep enough to repair us, for it is not just a head knowledge, but a heart knowledge that cannot be forced by mantras or worship. 

I found worth in the strangest place. Totally unexpected. 

We can’t get at at self-acceptance without going through the eye of the needle, or maybe I should say the fires of purgation. 

The last two years, God has shown me that Sister Kathryn Ann was right. I have been full of pride. I wrestled with God over this one, for there hasn’t been a day in my life that I didn’t hurt dreadfully because I felt I wasn’t good enough, that I needed to try and impress everyone around me, for fear I would be lost in a cosmic nothingness. I had to dress nicely, put myself out there with singing and being involved, leading, accomplishing. All for fear that if I was quiet, I’d disappear. 

Somehow with all this fear, pride slipped in and began leeching off this need to be noticed, this need to be pretty, this need to be better. The vampire of pride drains you and dehydrates you of true love for self and others and even God. 

There is no self-help book or advice that is going to work. No classes, no Stuart Smalley mental repetitions of, "I'm good enough I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me," and no Zig Ziglar is going to repair the inherent sin of self-hatred. Humility is the only healer.

*******

Catholicism has done a great deal to humiliate me. It hasn’t felt good to know that I have been wrong my whole life. Catholicism has forced me to my knees in confusion and brokenness. It has shown me that I have my place and I need to humbly submit to it. It has ripped away my self-confidence and shredded my feelings of control.

That isn’t easy. 

But attached to all these subconscious and internal safeguards I was clinging to, was pride and the terror of self-doubts. Not to say they are totally healed as this is a process I am sure will take the rest of my life. But my insides have been gutted by God and a new person is emerging that I simply don’t recognize. 

There is a rich, intense and mysterious peace that comes from humility. A security I had never expected. 

For the first time in my life, I am letting compliments saturate me instead of flinging them off with pride. I believe and trust that others are telling me the truth, while before I thought so little of other’s opinions. My opinion was the only one worth trusting.... and I hated myself because I didn't look like Lana Turner and that was that.... I wasn't Heddy Lamar so I was nothing.

As counterintuitive as it appears, pride keeps one from feeling worthy. Self-confidence is a huge lie.

When we humbly submit to God and recognize that He is in charge--when we sacrifice our self-esteem and rights and understanding at the foot of the Cross---when we accept that He is ruler and Lord and we are but mere servants who obey Him, all of a sudden, the gift comes. The gift of grace that flows heavenly upon a soul parched from pride. 

Instead of looking at women more beautiful than me and feeling defeated, unloved, I can now look upon them with such admiration. Beauty is a wonderful gift from God, even in other women. It was pride that made me hate them. Their beauty killed my self-esteem. Now, I can see the beauty in myself. God has shown it to me. And somehow through His eyes, I can see it! 

Now, I don’t compare myself with others, I lavish and enjoy the gifts God has given them. I love that others are successful and smart. Their success, their intelligence doesn’t make me fear anymore. 

I only write this because I know hundreds of young girls out there feel just as I have. I don’t want them to learn this when they are gray-haired. I want so badly to spare them years of heartbreaking searching for self-esteem and self-worth. 

God is the answer. You must learn to let go of trying to be better, prettier, smarter, more successful than other people. Not just in praying for God to show you how great you are. You aren’t going to learn it through bucking yourself up. You will learn it through humility, through submissive obedience to God and the knowledge that He is the only opinion you can trust. 

Prepare yourself. Wrenching pride and self-hatred from your soul is going to hurt. I'm sorry about that, but I can tell  you when you are on the other side of humility--it is going to feel better than you can imagine.  For it is only when the veil of pride is ablaze and we can see clearly the goodness of God, we can see ourselves. And that is going to shock and awe you.

Journey Home - 08-29-2011 - Revert - Marcus Grodi with Keith Major

The New Dark Ages

This program is from RealCatholicTV.com

My mouth just dropped open when I watched this. My husband and I have been whispering this back and forth between us for a couple years, but I couldn't believe anyone had the courage to actually SAY it!

Candidly Speaking.....

I wrote this my other blog, but thought I would link to it instead of reposting it.

It's Okay NOT to be a Seventh-day Adventist: Candidly Speaking.....: Sometime in 14th-century England, a red-blooded Anglo Saxon must have been drinking beer at a pub, when he spotted a noble dabbing his nos...

Shameless Popery: The Liturgy of St. James on the Eucharist

Shameless Popery: The Liturgy of St. James on the Eucharist: Yesterday, I talked about how helpful it is to learn from both the Early Church Fathers (the theologians of their day), and the early Liturg...

Adventist Baptism

Humm....

Several different blogs have been talking about this, so this is going to be a bit redundant.

I just spoke with a young girl converting from the Seventh-day Adventist faith to Roman Catholicism and she told me that her bishop would have to baptize her because the RCC doesn't recognize Adventist baptism. Which is what I was told when both my husband and I converted and were baptized into the Roman Catholic faith.

However, my two sons were not baptized when they converted. Anyone know anything about this? I have read that it was about the SDA view of the Trinity, but I would think then it would be a consistent baptism policy for all converts.

Dion's Conversion Story