What Jesus Means to Me
When I was a child in bed at night and all was dark and scary. I sang songs to Him and the angel He gave me and soon I was no longer scared. I asked him if I could marry Him. And I wondered when He would come and make all the bad things in life go away. I wanted Him to make mean people good. I wanted all my family to not have pain and go to heaven.
One night when I was in fifth grade my friend got shot in the stomach and he almost died and I determined to stay awake all night praying for him, I fell asleep on my knees and felt so guilty in the morning. But my friend lived and I realized that no matter how hard I tried to keep a promise to Jesus, I was going to fail but that Jesus wouldn’t.
When I was a teenager in the 1970’s my friends scared me. They started taking drugs and trying to be cool and listening to bad, harsh music. I was very lonely and felt so nerdy. I was mocked because I liked musicals and classical music and old movies. I was terrified of smoking and dating and rock stars that painted their faces and stuck out their tongues. I put on that I was better than them, but really I was just scared of things I knew to be sin and stupidity.
I told Jesus that He didn’t have to pay attention much to me. I saw all the problems in the world and knew He was too busy for my silly complaints. He had blessed me so much that I carefully kept from complaining to Him. I wanted to be one of those people that never caused Jesus to cry. And my parents had taught me that when people sin, it makes Jesus cry.
As a teenager I loved reading the Bible and craved to know all about Him. He was so good and so kind. I loved to see pictures of Him carrying a lamb on His shoulders. I loved teaching in Kindergarten Sabbath school and singing in choir. Sabbath for me was a very, very happy day. I loved every Sabbath. I felt close to Jesus on that day like He came and placed a special invisible arm of love around me. It was romantic and fun--a great family day. A day to be intimate with God and your fellow man.
Adventists didn’t talk much about their relationship to Jesus. I had never been around it. So I kept it to myself except at Sabbath School. Then it was usually discussions about theological points instead of a relationship with Jesus. I always thought it was because it was assumed everyone had a relationship with Jesus. We were all past the milk and needing the meat.
Jesus was in each bright, warm sunrise and at each cozy, mysterious bedtime. He was in my heart when I was happy and He was there when I was terrified. My faith was weak... my love was strong, but mostly my faith was weak. Lots of things didn’t make sense, but I knew he was there. He was my knight in shining armor, my invisible friend, my Mr. Rogers in my little Christian neighborhood.
Some years, He was so close I felt Him talking to me all day, smiling at me all day. I felt His close, loving presence.
Some years, He was a distant friend who seemed too busy to write or call, but I tried to understand. And I knew He loved me, even if He was busy.
My life hasn’t been easy, but it has been easier than most. I have experienced happiness that I doubt very many people have gotten to experience. I have seen much. And I have experienced sorrow that almost all of us have had to deal with--life tragedies that almost kill you.
But one thing, I have been blessed because I have been near Him my whole life.
Christians today have all these great stories of conversion... You know them. “I was a terrible sinner and then I got saved.” Well, my story is nothing like that. I wasn’t a terrible sinner and I never have felt overwhelming guilty about much. I guess it is because I have always tried so hard to be obedient to him. I never wanted Jesus to cry over what I had done. I sinned, but before the guilt could get strong I immediately repented. I sinned for sure... but nothing of note--nothing to make a good conversion story out of.
But what Jesus has been to me is a friend for my fears and my pain. I have desperately needed a savior from myself. Not because of my great sins, but because of my great terrors of life and death. My fear when I watched my sister getting into the car that she would be in a wreck and I would never see her again. Fear that someone I loved would not be saved. Fear that my mother would come down with cancer or my father would die in a plane crash or drowning. Fear that my wonderful blessed life would disappear with a poof.
I needed Christ to survive my life. He taught me that I would survive my fears and suffering even when He didn’t magically make them go away. He taught me to be brave during those times and that He would be with me.
One of the greatest things that has ever happened to me spiritually is the crucifix. When I have been my lowest, cowering alone with excruciating pain and agony, unable to swallow, vomiting with the trauma of life’s tragedies, I have been able to grab a crucifix and look at what Christ has gone through and know that He knows. He knows and He knows and He knows. That has given me strength to survive the pain.
I have spent much of my life feeling very isolated, misunderstood, dismissed. What made it all well is that moment I imagined seeing my Jesus face to face. That is all I needed of heaven and I all expect of heaven, that for one moment I may look into His eyes and our eyes will lock and I will see in His eyes that He knew how MUCH I tried not to make those eyes cry. And His eyes will say to me, “You never made me cry with pain.” And then I will cry with joy.
Jesus I love you.
Background: The Davidic Kingdom has divided...
There is a King in Judah (from the lineage of David) named Jehoshaphat--a good guy and a King of Israel, Ahab--not such a good guy. At the moment they are allies because of marriage.
Ahab (king of northern Israel) asks the Jehoshaphat (king of Judah) to campaign with him against Ramoth-gilead and Jehoshaphat goes up and meets with Israel's King but first wants to make sure it's God's will.
"Please inquire first for the word of the LORD." 5 Then the king of Israel assembled the prophets, four hundred men, and said to them, "Shall we go against Ramoth-gilead to battle, or shall I refrain ?" And they said, "Go up, for God will give it into the hand of the king." 6 But Jehoshaphat said, "Is there not yet aprophet of the LORD here that we may inquire of him?" 7 The king of Israel said to Jehoshaphat, "There is yet one man by whom we may inquire of the LORD, but I hate him, for he neverprophesies good concerning me but always evil. He is Micaiah, son of Imla."
Here's some more interesting background: Jeroboam, the original leader that split the kingdom after Solomon died. (Rehoboam, son of Solomon taking the territories of Judah and Benjamin--including Jerusalem and the temple.) Jeroboam, King of Israel (the Samaritan territory) threw out ALL the Levities and priests and set up his own temple and sacrifices and priesthood. So the northern Kingdom didn't have any of the authentic priests, holy fire, sacrifices, the temple, etc. They were worshipping falsely even if they were claiming to worship God!
So, now note what was going on in the text above. The king of Judah, with the legitimate priesthood and sacrifices and prophets, wanted to know if the northern Kingdom had ANY legitimate prophets of Yahweh left as he recognized the four hundred prophets were bogus. However, note the response of the King of Israel. He actually says "There is yet one man by whom we may inquire of the Lord." Hummm... is he coming right out and admitting there is only one true prophet or is the "yet" significant. Does the King mean to imply that ALL of the prophets are claiming to speak for Yahweh but one extra--one additional can be heard but always gives bad prophecies?
Well, if we read on we will find out that these northern prophets are using the name of Yahweh.
"...all the prophets were prophesying before them. 10 Zedekiah the son of Chenaanah made horns of iron for himself and said, "Thus says the LORD, 'With these you shall gore the Arameans until they are consumed.' " 11 All the prophets were prophesying thus, saying, "Go up to Ramoth-gilead and succeed, for the LORD will give it into the hand of the king."
Please note that these are illegitimate prophets (not ones appointed by God who have gone wrong) but actually self-appointed or appointed by an unauthorized leader who are claiming to be prophets of Yahweh. Not only are the prophesies going to be false, but they came out of false shepherds who were never a part of those appointed by God.
God's chosen prophet, Micaiah, is dragged before the two Kings and asked about the battle. And after cajoling the prophets says this:
"I saw all Israel scattered on the mountains, Like sheep which have no shepherd; And the LORD said, 'These have no master. Let each of them return to his house in peace.' "
Now it's really going to get interesting... and so Catholic:
Micaiah said, "Therefore, hear the word of the LORD. I saw the LORD sitting on His throne, and all the host of heaven standing on His right and on His left. 19 "The LORD said, 'Who will entice Ahab king of Israel to go up and fall at Ramoth-gilead ?' And one said this while another said that. 20 "Then a spirit came forward andstood before the LORD and said, 'I will entice him.' And the LORD said to him, 'How?' 21 "He said, 'I will go and be a deceiving spirit in the mouth of all his prophets.' Then He said, 'You are to entice him and prevail also. Go and do so.' 22 "Now therefore, behold, the LORD has put adeceiving spirit in the mouth of these your prophets, for the LORD has proclaimed disaster against you."
What's so Catholic about that?
God sent someone else to do His bidding. He asked for volunteers... and then let them decide how to do it.
Catholics believe that angels and saints in heaven are called upon to do the will of God. God also gives them the opportunity, with His permission, to be creative in how they do it. When Catholics ask the saints in heaven to help them, they are doing nothing more than we see here in scripture. They are performing the works of God at His request.
As prophesied, King Ahab of Israel died in battle.
So, here--in the whole context of this story--not just what we posted here (you'll have to read all of it to get this --as well as it's counterpart in I Kings 22) we find several things.
There are God-appointed priests and prophets. Any self-appointed or appointed by any other group or leader are not genuinely of God and cannot speak for Him.
There are New Testament prophets. How do we know they are of God? There are two clues given here. One, they are not appointed by the true church/people of God. Two, they give false prophecies. Not all who give true prophecies are necessarily from God. Some false prophets have given true prophecies. You have to have both things--be appointed by God's people and prophesy 100% correctly.
Just the fact that these prophets claimed to be speaking for Yahweh doesn't mean they were. There was a complete false system of worship set up in the Northern Kingdom that mimicked the true worship of God's people in Jerusalem.
They may have been truly sincere. They may have been really nice people. But their worship was false.
Now I am sounding like a Seventh-day Adventist. Which makes the irony of this quite funny!
I'm not saying these people are not in heaven. I am just simply pointing out a very interesting and very Catholic story in the Old Testament.
