Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Mary and My Prayers

I will write things here on this blog that I wouldn't dare write anywhere else, because I know basically no one pays attention to this site. So it is my little echo in the void of cyberspace, glad I can write it, but glad that no one will read it.

So, this morning I am praying having been through my litany of the precious blood of Christ and all my personal ramblings and petitions to the Most Holy God and Father of the Universe, through the name of his blessed Son, Jesus Christ. When I just break down about Mary. Ever since I have become a Catholic, I go through such struggles about her, swinging back and forth between Mark Shea's idea of Our Blessed Lady of the Willies (as a new, tyro Catholic) and a proper understanding of her as we mature in our faith. Some days saying the Hail Mary seems so natural and lovely, others it just makes me tremble that I am being idolatrous.

About to say "amen" this morning, I broke down and almost cried. My whole life I have felt so guilty for thinking the most beautiful music ever written, was not for Him, but for Mary--Bach/Gounod's Ave Maria, Shubert's, Biebl's, Caccini. The most amazing, the most breathtaking and sweet music ever conceived in the hearts of man was not for my precious Savior, but His mother. As I was confessing this and feeling so sorry, a wave of peace and comfort came over me.

"Who do you think inspired those composers?" Came a still and tender thought. It dawned upon me, that Christ wrote and sings those songs to His mother and whenever I sing them, I join Him in his honoring His mother. Every time I sing a song to the Father, I join Him in honoring His Father. No wonder the are so full of tender love, Jesus is singing to His Mother, Mary.

Thank you Jesus. Now I can really cry.....

4 comments:

Rachel said...

Hello :) Just wanted to say, I love your blog and I check it for new posts often.
Thanks for being honest. I am a former protestant, hoping to someday become catholic, even though this is a very hard "journey."
I don't really understand much about mary or the saints or how people pray to them for their prayers. It's hard to grasp, but I try to accept it.

Teresa Beem said...

I have been a Catholic for two years and it is hard! I was always told as a Protestant that the gospel is simple (by the way--NOT a biblical concept, but a tradition of man) and so it seems like knowing God and having a relationship with Him should not ever be anything but easy and smooth.

The really hard part is having everyone around you think you are crazy and in need of psychiatric help! No one I grew up with really knows or understands Catholicism and most are the extreme anti-catholics. (I was raised Seventh-day Adventist).

However, whenever I begin to panic and wonder if I have gone wrong, I pick up my Bible and pray and the Holy Spirit continually refreshes me. Then I watch a LOT of EWTN and realcatholictv.com. The premium channel is so worth the $10 a month. SOOOO much better than cable and you walk away feeling like you have stepped into heaven rather than being inundated with viagra and victoria secret-type commercials.

The loveliest thing of all is that no one EVER (at least in my experience) will push you into the Catholic church, or guilt you into it. Catholics will love you even if you stay Protestant or atheist. The great arms of Mother Church embraces all even when they are afraid to press close to her breast.

I love that I could walk in, knowing both the good and evil of the Catholic Church, that my priest openly discusses her terrible mistakes and I loved the humble repentance I feel when I talk to Catholic about the things she has done in the past.

I also LOVE that she learns from her mistakes. She doesn't flee from her bad priests and past. She stands firm, ex-communicates when necessary--although I wish she would do that MORE often--and eventually, in her very slow pace, goes from glory to glory. (Even under the constant attack of the media and SATAN!)

Well, as you can see I love, love, love being Catholic. Not because my church is perfect, but because she is Jesus' Bride and He loves her and is ever drawing her to him and making her white as snow. One day, when her garments are sparkling, He will come and share the Lamb's Supper--and take His place as King who will rule with an iron hand.

I am not afraid of his iron hand, because it has fed me his body through the bread, it has offered me his blood through the cup. It is a hand that is extending mercy now and will judge with power then.

Whoops, I am blabbering. Thanks for your kind words! God bless.
Miserere nobis,
Teresa

Rachel said...

Wow two years!
I've heard that SDA can be really anti catholic! I don't come from that, but I am surrounded by anti or ex catholics. I'm worried about my grandparents and sister finding out if they ever do, because they are very against it, being ex catholics, and my sister is now a seventh day adventist. I've been around lutheran, assembly of god, and baptist beliefs.

I've worried that this is completely wrong, that Im going in the wrong direction, but then I think of all those people, like yourself, who were once protestant and became catholic and I think, if they did it, if they can now believe as catholics do, if they found the fullness of the truth there...perhaps I am going in the right direction! I feel like the catholic church is good, I love how strong it is too.

I've noticed that to, no one has been pushing me into the church or making me feel guilty. I've tried going to RCIA twice in the past couple of years, but always stopped going because of fear. Im going to be trying again soon, and see if I can push past fear.

I love EWTN :D If it were not for ewtn, I probably wouldn't have been interested in learning about what the church really teaches and believes.

Teresa Beem said...

Another suggestion. Read the catechism. Most anti-catholics inspect it as if it is a crime scene, looking for clues and "evidence" that might prove the church is guilty. Then they pull the text out of its surroundings and use it as exhibit A and try to persuade the Christian jury that our church is not Biblical.

But if you just start at the beginning and read it like an inspirational reading (in small bites of course) it is amazing.

Always remember Catholics DO NOT dismiss the Bible, they merely have a different and older interpretation of it.

Bless you on your journey. Peace to you.
Miserere nobis,
Teresa

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