St. Peter tells us to be ready always to give an "apologia" (a defense as in a courtroom or debate) to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you." (I Peter 3: 15) I think the chief of Apostles was careful not to say, "Go around giving your testimony to everyone." I am wondering if it wasn't because a person's reason for believing—their connection with God—is holy. And though new Christians can be so excited to give their testimony, there needs to be great care in preventing casualness (or vanity) in speaking of holy things. Taking the precious name of the Lord on our lips is to be done only with the greatest of care, in humble adoration. (See second commandment.)
When the Holy Spirit prompts someone to ask for your testimony, it is then they are able to receive it. Lately, I have had repeated invitations to speak of such holy things. So, I will pray that His name will be glorified as I respond to these requests.
This is in no way to demean other people's experience with God. God, in His love, specifically tailors His relationship with each of us. Your experience will not look like mine nor should it nor should our experiences be compared. There is no such thing as equality of faith. There is just the infinite. And that is unmeasurable.
My heart yearns to go into my beautiful Catholic Church and sit as a little soul amongst its exquisite wonder. The sanctuary of God speaks from every corner and from the heights that God is mysteriously other and God is good. While the mass with the Body of Christ is the highest form of worship, I especially love to wander in when it is empty, sit on the bench near the front and allow my ears to absorb the sublime silence. And yet, I can feel the echo of the grandness of the House of Prayer and feel the joy of our intimate meeting. I experience the nearer, My God, to thee.
When the Holy Spirit prompts someone to ask for your testimony, it is then they are able to receive it. Lately, I have had repeated invitations to speak of such holy things. So, I will pray that His name will be glorified as I respond to these requests.
This is in no way to demean other people's experience with God. God, in His love, specifically tailors His relationship with each of us. Your experience will not look like mine nor should it nor should our experiences be compared. There is no such thing as equality of faith. There is just the infinite. And that is unmeasurable.
My heart yearns to go into my beautiful Catholic Church and sit as a little soul amongst its exquisite wonder. The sanctuary of God speaks from every corner and from the heights that God is mysteriously other and God is good. While the mass with the Body of Christ is the highest form of worship, I especially love to wander in when it is empty, sit on the bench near the front and allow my ears to absorb the sublime silence. And yet, I can feel the echo of the grandness of the House of Prayer and feel the joy of our intimate meeting. I experience the nearer, My God, to thee.
Then I kneel. I do not kneel out of habit or form. I kneel because I know that in that humble position, I am more able to climb the mountain of prayer. For me, prayer is not easy. It is a struggle with God, a struggle not to get but to give up—to die daily. For it is in prayer that we fight the battle of self and our desire to be God.
First and foremost, I ask for forgiveness and for His mercy. For I know how evil is man and how dark, blind and stupid is man's soul. I know I am but dust and no matter how I feel, I know that He can see past my oblivion to my own sin. His holiness would destroy me if I came before Him with my petitions without His cleansing forgiveness. Then I begin my prayers.
Often I am sorely tempted to give up on prayer too soon. Not that blessings do not fall at each step, but I have come to understand that I must exhaust self in this the long trek of prayer. And through His grace, I reach the summit of "not my will but Thine." At the top of the mountain the struggles of faith and the worries of life shatter and a refreshing time of peace and joy awaits.
And as I pray, in my blessed church I cast my eyes up upon the Cross and feel like St. Paul, "I am determined to know nothing but Christ and Him Crucified."
The Cross. The Cross. The Cross from whence pours down His love. This terrible scene of awe. This miraculous wonder of God and His agony lets me see into His heart. For His flesh was torn so that we may receive His sacred heart.
As I lift up those God has given to me to pray for—my precious daughters, Ellie and Becky, the newest additions to my children I offer them to Christ as I have done for my children since they were still unseen within me, that His blessings and protection and love will pour upon them. I offer up my beautiful mother and my cousin Sandra, my darling Carrie and her two amazing daughters, Maeby and June. Brenden and Uncle JT and the Dexters and Lori Jamison and her daughters and especially Zack and Jacob as they fight for our security. Each person, one by one—all my relatives and friends and even my enemies— I lift up and see the glorious grace pouring down in the sacred blood and water from His wounded side. I know each soul is being healed from the devastation of sin and I pray temptation will remain far from us.
I repeat over and over, "Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world. Have mercy on us."
From the Cross, I see His miraculous love. It is through this hard view of Divine sacrifice that the most pure and holy love is understood. For His love was unbridled, passionate, courageous and active. His love was not given by degrees but poured out without measure to us.
Then when I am done with my numerous petitions, I begin adoration. My mind fills itself with Him and I become lost, not knowing where I end and He begins. It is through adoration we enter heaven and because I go often to the worship of mass-- I know as the Bride--when I enter in a more intimate way to the King, he will hold out his scepter to me and my adoration will be accepted. For I know He loves me.
Then, as a new enlivened soul, I step out of this sanctuary, I am prepared for the battle— the battle of bringing the sacrifice of the Cross to each human I encounter. The battle of being Christ to all I see and seeing Christ in all I encounter.
And I know my enemy is going to try and break me. He wants me, rather than offer myself up for others as Christ did, to become petty and small-hearted and judgmental. The dark principalities desires me to see with an eye to criticize others and will tempt me to fall back into selfishness, to protect my own ego and demand no one offend or hurt me. The devil will do anything to keep me from being humble and self-sacrificing.
Yet I am fortified with Christ's grace and when I fall, I know all that is needed is for me to repent and He brings me back to the graces that were given to me in His House. His glory and grace are there inside me changing me into His image. And I become more and more that Cross which I behold.
And I know that God and His gospel of the Kingdom is good.
First and foremost, I ask for forgiveness and for His mercy. For I know how evil is man and how dark, blind and stupid is man's soul. I know I am but dust and no matter how I feel, I know that He can see past my oblivion to my own sin. His holiness would destroy me if I came before Him with my petitions without His cleansing forgiveness. Then I begin my prayers.
Often I am sorely tempted to give up on prayer too soon. Not that blessings do not fall at each step, but I have come to understand that I must exhaust self in this the long trek of prayer. And through His grace, I reach the summit of "not my will but Thine." At the top of the mountain the struggles of faith and the worries of life shatter and a refreshing time of peace and joy awaits.
And as I pray, in my blessed church I cast my eyes up upon the Cross and feel like St. Paul, "I am determined to know nothing but Christ and Him Crucified."
The Cross. The Cross. The Cross from whence pours down His love. This terrible scene of awe. This miraculous wonder of God and His agony lets me see into His heart. For His flesh was torn so that we may receive His sacred heart.
As I lift up those God has given to me to pray for—my precious daughters, Ellie and Becky, the newest additions to my children I offer them to Christ as I have done for my children since they were still unseen within me, that His blessings and protection and love will pour upon them. I offer up my beautiful mother and my cousin Sandra, my darling Carrie and her two amazing daughters, Maeby and June. Brenden and Uncle JT and the Dexters and Lori Jamison and her daughters and especially Zack and Jacob as they fight for our security. Each person, one by one—all my relatives and friends and even my enemies— I lift up and see the glorious grace pouring down in the sacred blood and water from His wounded side. I know each soul is being healed from the devastation of sin and I pray temptation will remain far from us.
I repeat over and over, "Lamb of God, You take away the sins of the world. Have mercy on us."
From the Cross, I see His miraculous love. It is through this hard view of Divine sacrifice that the most pure and holy love is understood. For His love was unbridled, passionate, courageous and active. His love was not given by degrees but poured out without measure to us.
Then when I am done with my numerous petitions, I begin adoration. My mind fills itself with Him and I become lost, not knowing where I end and He begins. It is through adoration we enter heaven and because I go often to the worship of mass-- I know as the Bride--when I enter in a more intimate way to the King, he will hold out his scepter to me and my adoration will be accepted. For I know He loves me.
Then, as a new enlivened soul, I step out of this sanctuary, I am prepared for the battle— the battle of bringing the sacrifice of the Cross to each human I encounter. The battle of being Christ to all I see and seeing Christ in all I encounter.
And I know my enemy is going to try and break me. He wants me, rather than offer myself up for others as Christ did, to become petty and small-hearted and judgmental. The dark principalities desires me to see with an eye to criticize others and will tempt me to fall back into selfishness, to protect my own ego and demand no one offend or hurt me. The devil will do anything to keep me from being humble and self-sacrificing.
Yet I am fortified with Christ's grace and when I fall, I know all that is needed is for me to repent and He brings me back to the graces that were given to me in His House. His glory and grace are there inside me changing me into His image. And I become more and more that Cross which I behold.
And I know that God and His gospel of the Kingdom is good.
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